Life is full of choices.  The choices we make shape our future, and in turn affect those who come in contact with us.  As Christians, our decisions must be based on God-given direction through the Word of God and by the leading of the Holy Spirit.

I am sure we all have been through situations that call for important decisions to be made.  We do not set out to make bad decisions.   At times, it is difficult to make the right decision.  Making hard decisions easy requires determination, perseverance and self-discipline.

In the twenty-six years of being a minister’s wife and a mother, I can remember having to make many decisions, which were not always easy.  Through my experiences, and reading good Christian literature, I have found that we can make hard decisions easy.

As Christians, through the revealed will of God, we know what is right and what is not, so it is easy to make a decision in those areas.  But when I am faced with making a decision that isn’t put down in black or white in the Scriptures, what we term as “the gray areas,” there are certain questions that I ask myself which help me make the right decision.

1. Will it profit me?

The day begins with “decision making” – the time when you hear the alarm clock ringing.  You have the choice to “snooze and lose” or “rise and shine.”   Will the few minutes of extra sleep profit me, or will it set me back and get me in a rush?  The decision I make this time of the morning will have major ef-fects on the rest of the day.  So, let us choose wisely.

2. Will it cultivate godliness and help improve my spiritual life?

Once I am up, another decision I, as a Christian woman, am faced with is, what do I wear today?  The answer and the decision I make determine if my spiritual life is being enhanced and if godliness is being cultivated.

Look quality, think quality, and talk quality.  I would rather dare to be different than blend in with the rest of the world with their tattoos, piercing and indecent apparel.  If I dress as the world, I become part of the world and it will hurt me spiritually.  My “chaste” attire will open doors of opportunity to witness to those who can see something different in me.

3. Will it add to my life things that will increase my physical and spiritual stability, strength and maturity?  Will it build me up?

Once I have decided what to wear, the next important decision is, what do I eat?  What I decide to eat should build me up physically and spiritually.   Quality decisions must be made if I am to take charge of my body, which is the temple of the Living God.  If I decide to eat right, I will have better health to carry out the different activities during the day.  Self-discipline and determination will help me make the right decision.

4. Will the decision I make slow me down in the race?

As soon as I leave the house in the morning, I am in a race.  There are times when I have the hard decision to make – to say the things that come to mind, or to be silent.  Thinking before speaking is a decision I have to make myself.  I have learned to value my words.  Talk quality.  There are some things in life that I do need to restrict for no other reason but that they slow me down in the race.  The decision to speak words that will encourage will help make this race easier for me to run. I do represent Christ through my “good conversation.”

5. Will I help others by my example and will what I do lead others to Christ?

As the day goes on, I am faced with circumstances that I have not planned and determined.  They just happen.  God chooses what I will go through; I choose how I will go through it.  The right attitude will help me rise above the situation.  We are always being watched – at home, in school, at work.  I can be a good example by deciding to have the right attitude in difficult times. God gives grace to overcome every situation.

We come in contact with many people during the day; the grocer, the bank teller, the postman, and a neighbor – touching their lives, influencing them for Jesus.   It pays to have the right attitude; therefore I choose to have the right attitude, because the only Bible some may ever read is what they will read in me.

Choose to be happy and grateful.  I can be happy because happiness is a product of gratefulness.  A grateful heart is what will keep me out of depression.  (A merry heart doeth good like a medicine  – Proverbs 17:22)

One smile will make a big difference.  A smile is a crooked line that makes everything straight – smile more often!

6. Will it glorify God?

I must never forget the fact that I must bring glory to God in every action.  There will be times when people will hurt me.  I can drag that hurt around with me all day long and maybe the next day, too.  Or, I can choose to have a forgiving spirit, which will glorify God.  Forgiveness is a gift, which means more to the giver than the one who is being forgiven.  Forgiveness is about us.  It is a decision, not an emotion.  Abraham Lincoln said, “Forgiveness has value only when it is given away.”

In closing, I would like to encourage you to lean heavily on the leading of the Holy Spirit.  Pray your way through.  God bless you.

True guilt is felt when we don’t obey God, His Word and His will; this includes offending saints of God.  When this happens we must acknowledge and accept responsibility for our actions and sin, ask forgiveness and accept forgiveness.

False guilt is not grounded in truth.  It is a feeling.  Feelings can be misleading because they are not based on reality.  False guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.  We impose it upon ourselves. To live with constant guilt is a yoke of slavery.

As we all know, men and women think differently.  Most men are left-brained; they approach life analytically and rationally.  Most women are right-brained (creative and emotional), but women have a bridge between the two sides – women go through the emotional stages first, before getting to the rational stage.  Women are more sensitive and tender-hearted, and tend to take things personally (even though our husbands tell us not to).  That is why women struggle more with guilt.

False guilt is a feeling and women feel first and reason later.  Men isolate these feelings, rationalize the guilt and assess whether it is deserved or not.  If it is not deserved, they are much more adept at dismissing it than women.  There are exceptions to this, of course.  Men are not cold and unfeeling – they just do a better job of analyzing the situation and isolating their feelings.  Women may get to the rational stage; it just takes longer and some get stuck in the emotional stage and never reach the rational stage.

Some women feel guilty if they don’t feel guilty!  Have you ever been there? We feel we deserve to feel guilty.  We can grow accustomed to this and don’t recognize the harm and evil it causes.  Guilt can steal our joy, hinder productivity, interrupt our peace, harm relationships, and make us self-focused.  When we feel guilty, we are thinking of ourselves.  False guilt can make us an easy target for the enemy’s attacks.

We automatically say “I’m sorry” assuming guilt without reason.  Satan knows he can keep us from realizing God’s potential for our lives if he keeps us guilt-ridden.  He wants to keep us from doing all the good things God has planned for us.  Ephesians 2:10 says,  “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”

Just a reminder: We are talking about false guilt, not true guilt.

One sign of false guilt:  you can’t pinpoint exactly why you feel guilty.  (Never do things right; should have done better; can’t seem to make anyone happy; unable to do anything [cook, clean, etc.] and others are doing so much, etc. etc.)  Have you ever said or felt these things?

Some examples of what can cause false guilt:

1. Children are expert at laying guilt on us – they are born with an instinct to manipulate.  When they are just babies they learn if they cry loud and long enough, Mom will pick them up.  If they pout and look unhappy, Mom will give in.  Then there are the things they say as they get older:  “All the other mothers,” “everybody else is doing it,” “everybody else has it” or “you were never there for me.”
2. Our employer can have unrealistic expectations and make us feel guilty when we cannot meet those expectations.
3. Saying “no” to someone when we truly are unable to do what is requested.
4. Someone else’s unhappiness can cause us to take on false guilt.  We may feel guilty that we are happy and they aren’t.   Just because we can’t meet someone’s needs, we shouldn’t feel guilty.
5. We can feel guilty over past sins but God has forgiven us.  Pray and forgive yourself.  Don’t keep rehashing it and feel guilty.  God’s forgiveness is complete.  Isaiah 43:25: “I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.”

Women experience false guilt more than men. Because of our nurturing natures, we have a desire to make everything right.  Also, we are not naturally good at setting boundaries and can become a dumping ground for others’ guilt. Our sensitivity makes us more vulnerable to see things that are not there, read between the lines incorrectly, and interpret body language and facial expressions inaccurately.

In our present society, we are also beset by the superwoman delusion.  Women are deluded into believing they can and should do everything that needs to be done, never disappointing anyone.  We can know logically that it is not possible, but still try to prove ourselves or our worth to others.  Superwoman delusions make us prone to feelings of guilt.

Pride is part of the reason we want to be a superwoman.  It feeds self-image to get a lot done in a short amount of time.  The compliments we receive feed our ego.  But we should desire God’s praise more than the praise of others.  John 12:43: “For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.”

Some symptoms of being a superwoman are:

1. Have a hard time saying no.
2. Feel guilty when everything isn’t accomplished.
3. To-do list never gets completed.
4. Try to please everyone.
5. Must have a spotless house.
6. Don’t like to ask others for help.
7. Tend to overpromise and overcommit.
8. Feel need to be a perfect mother with perfect children.
9. Have to be the perfect wife with gourmet meals every night.

Jesus didn’t do everything, so why do we think we should?  He did what God wanted Him to do.  John 17:4:  “…I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”  He did not heal everyone, convert everyone or teach everyone.  We can’t please everyone; Jesus didn’t.  Our best hope of pleasing the most people is to please God first.  Pleasing Him will involve being a servant to others.

Many women go into depression in the last half of their lives as they discover they can’t do everything they used to do.  We should learn to appreciate the seasons of our life.  There is need for a change of pace at certain times in our life and we must learn to work with that.

How do we deal with false guilt?  First, we must learn to recognize that it is false guilt.  It feels just like true guilt, but think it through.  Should you be feeling guilty?  If our words and intentions are pure, don’t feel guilty.  If you do offend or hurt someone, by all means, truly repent and pray God will help you not to say words and do things that would be hurtful.  Be sensitive, but don’t carry guilt and lose sleep over it.

Second, replace wrong thinking with right thinking.  Use your will to think right, and feelings will go the other direction.  Philippians 4:8 (TLB): “Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right.  Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others.  Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.”

Remember, if God doesn’t accuse us of wrong, we shouldn’t condemn ourselves.  Romans 8:33-34: “Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect?  It is God that justifies.  Who is he that condemneth?”  To wallow in false guilt is to live in condemnation.  Romans 8:1: “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus…”

False guilt can be caused by falling into the trap of comparing ourselves with others.  The consequences of this are:  1) we begin to think we are better than others or 2) we begin to think others are better than we are.

In Luke 18:9-14, the Pharisee and the publican were praying and the Pharisee was thanking God he wasn’t like the publican.  We know the Pharisee didn’t have the right spirit but we can fall into the same trap.  We can become prideful and arrogant.  This is the first consequence in thinking ourselves better than others.

The second consequence in comparing ourselves with others is more deceptive and can cause false guilt syndrome.

There is a parable in Matthew 25:14-30 of a man who gave his servants talents – five, two and one.  The talents were distributed according to their ability.  The talents were the property of the master, not the servant.  God has given each of us abilities and talents and with these come opportunities to multiply and gain more abilities and talents.  God doesn’t give us all the same talents or the same number of talents. Some people are obviously more gifted and that may not seem fair to us.  God is sovereign and knows best.  What matters is our obedience and to be a good steward of what has been entrusted to us.

The reward for good stewardship is not based on quantity.  In human terms, we may judge on quantity.  The one with five talents got no greater reward than the one with two talents.  They were both equally successful and faithful and doubled their talents.

We may tend to feel sorry for the one-talent man.  What happened to the one-talent man? He became fearful – what if I lose the talent?  He became lazy – lost motivation and initiative because he only had one talent.  As a result, he lost what he had plus his reward.  He became his own worst enemy by his self-fulfilling prophecy that he couldn’t do anything with one talent.

It is sinful to believe God didn’t create us the way He should have so we could do something for Him.  Comparing ourselves to others and thinking we are less is just as sinful as thinking we are better than others.  We don’t need to be anyone else!  Let go of guilt that you are not like Sis. X and can’t testify, sing, etc., like her.  It’s none of our business how God works in others’ lives. Our duty is simply to obey God and let Him be glorified in our lives.  Ecclesiastes 12:13: “Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.”

When we compare ourselves to others, we feel guilty that we don’t measure up.  This is false guilt.  We will not be judged in comparison to one another but by where we started and where we ended.  Accept what God has given and He may add other talents as we use what we have.

Let us not let false guilt keep us burdened down, but with God’s help break free from this yoke.  “My prayer from my heart is I want to do my part.  To use the gifts You’ve given; not to keep them all hidden.  And I won’t tell You Lord, that they’re not good enough.  But I’ll work for You Jesus, because You gave them in love.”

(The Gift by Cheryl Neptune)