Avoid the Poison of Bitterness

Most of us are familiar with the account of the Virtuous Woman in Proverbs 31.  It is a valuable lesson for every sister in the body of Christ, because we all need an ideal that we can strive for.  This virtuous woman is a disciplined woman.

Proverbs 31:1  reads, “The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.”  Bathsheba trained her son to be a king.

I think that if a mother would pray about her child that God will let her know what He has in mind for the future of that child, and then she can train that child in the path that God has for his (or her) life.  Bathsheba trained Solomon to be a king in Israel.

When I think of Bathsheba, I think of the difference in her and David’s first  wife, Michal.  Michal loved David with all her heart.  And when she knew Saul, her father, was determined to kill David, she put her own life on the line to save David and let him down out of the window.  She didn’t know what her father would do to her – whether he would kill her or not.  Saul did try to kill his son, Jonathan, a little later.

So David ran, and he kept running.  I’m sure Michal heard that David took other wives – Haggith, Abigail, etc.  But he never came back for her.  That had to have been very painful.  After some time her father gave her to Phalti.  Now Phalti loved Michal.  It wasn’t until David was finally made king over all Israel, that he demanded Michal back.  The Scriptures say that Phalti followed her all the way, until David’s servants made him turn back, so you know how much he loved her.  And what could any woman want more than that love?

Now she was just one of David’s many wives.  And I think all these negative things must have just gone over and over and over again in her mind.  She couldn’t break the circle.  She became very bitter.  The Scripture says, she despised David in her heart.  II Samuel 6:16. You can tell it, because on the greatest day of David’s life, when the ark was coming back to Jerusalem, and he was dancing before the Lord with all his might – when he came back to bless his own household, these are the words that came from Michal:  “How   glorious  was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!”  II Samuel 6:20.  She just couldn’t hold it in – it was seething inside.  She couldn’t contain herself.

But somehow Bathsheba was able to keep herself together over the events that happened to her.  One night Bathsheba heard a knock on the door and here were David’s servants telling her to come with them, that David wanted to see her.  She didn’t know what David wanted.  Then, she found out that David wanted to use her to satisfy his passion.  Could she have said, “No David, I’m sorry, I’m married.”  Could she?  I don’t know.  At any rate, she didn’t.

The next day David sent her back home.  A couple months later she found she was going to have a baby.  It couldn’t have been her husband’s, because he was out fighting a war as one of David’s mighty men.  She sent a note to David.  David tried to finagle it around, but it didn’t work.  So he sends her husband, who loved her (II Samuel 12:1-4) to his death.  She finds herself becoming just one of David’s many wives.  Then her first child dies as a result of God’s judgment.

Through it all, Bathsheba was able to handle it.  She trained her second son, Solomon, to be a king.  You can tell she never let bitterness invade her mind and spirit, because when David called for Bathsheba toward the end of his life when it was time for him to appoint a successor to the throne, this is the way she addressed him:  “Then  Bathsheba   bowed  with her face to the earth, and did reverence to the king, and said, Let my lord king David live for ever.”  I Kings 1:31.

Can you see the difference in Michal and Bathsheba?  Someone said, when you do something to someone, or someone does something to you – “Just clean up the mess and move on.”  Bathsheba took control of her thoughts.  She didn’t let it seethe inside.

It has also been said that holding a grudge is like ingesting poison, and then expecting the other person to die.   I think that Michal really expected David to diminish and go down, but that’s not what happened.  She went down.  She didn’t have any children, and then the five sons she did raise were killed.  II Samuel 6:23; 21:8-9. Nothing ever got better for her.

(As an aside, you can not only ingest poison yourself, but you can partake of it if you let someone else’s poison become yours.  Their offence can become your offence, and you are the worse for it.)
So, Bathsheba was wise and taught her son this prophecy:

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”  A ruby, I understand, is far more valuable than a diamond of the same size and quality.  And this virtuous woman even has a greater price than that, because she is rare.

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.   She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” She’s very trustworthy.    She’s not trustworthy today and tomorrow she’s in a different mood, and she talks about him to someone.  No, she does him good all the days of her life.  She’s submissive (if in the confines of God’s Word) even if she knows her husband is wrong– she trusts God to work it out for good.  Peter said “a meek and a quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price.”  Someone said meekness is strength under control.

“She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.”  She’s not lazy.  She’s industrious.

“She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.”  She doesn’t have a “tunnel vision” mentality.  She has a broad perspective – a “world-view.”  She knows what is going on in the world – the direction the world is taking.  She’s able to perceive the difference in this age and the age she grew up in.  And this world is getting more wicked all the time, and she should know what her children face when they go out into the work-world.  Read good books, such as The Marketing of Evil, that show what the big corporations are selling to the young people.  There should not be a generation gap.

“She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.”  She’s well organized.  Well able to care for her household.  She has a servant’s heart, even though it is she that is responsible.

“She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.  She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.”  She has a vision for the future.  She has purpose in her life.  A mother is responsible for her children.  If you are alone, you are still responsible for those you are in contact with – how you portray Christ to them.

“She perceiveth that her merchandise is good.”  She retains her own self-esteem.  She’s not looking at someone else and envying them.  She’s content with  her lot in life.  She’s comfortable in her own skin, someone said.  She can forgive herself – as well as others.  She isn’t a deep-sea diver – pulling up her own sins or someone else’s sins – because Christ buried them in the depths of the sea.  Micah 7:19.

“…her candle goeth not out by night.”  Her wisdom still shines through the dark times of life – the times of heartache and sorrow.  She doesn’t lose it.  Someone said, “when I finally got  it all together I forgot where I put it.”  But she’s always in control.  Her wisdom keeps shining through.

“She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.  She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.”  Part of her labour goes to the poor, the needy.  She’s compassionate.  It’s not just her, her family, “us four and no more.”

“She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.”  She has foresight.  She makes preparation for that time of trouble – the “rainy day” that comes in everyone’s life.

“She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.”  She realizes the importance of taking time for herself.  Every woman needs time for herself.  To do her hair, her fingernails.  Sometimes just to sit and contemplate.

“She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.”  She doesn’t waste her time.  She finds a profitable way to spend her time.

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”    I believe Bathsheba developed that inner strength that kept her kind.  Adonijah had tried to usurp the throne from Solomon. It all worked out, and Solomon took the throne.  Later, though, Adonijah came to Bathsheba and asked her to intercede to Solomon for the Shulamite woman that had ministered to David.  She didn’t say, “Why should I do that for you after you tried to take my son’s throne?”  Nothing like that came from her mouth, because there was nothing like that steaming inside of her.  She was kind, and it wasn’t anything put on.  It came from inside.  She just said, “All right, I’ll do that for you.”  And she let the chips fall where they might.

I have just a few quotes from a book I read a long time ago – The Discipline of a Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortland.

“This is the time we brush ourselves off, set our eyes on that distant City, and start walking.  Cross country, woman.  Realize what you were saved from, and know that that place is so fabulous it is worth hiking over hills, through thorns, through rivers above our neck, over cliffs – anything to get there.”

“Public life should flow out of your private life.  How important your outward direction is.  You represent Christ.  Hold your head up, as Psalms 3:3 tells you to do.”

“You are not free to let your emotions flip and flop all over the place.  Not free to fret and worry, or indulge in pouting or stewing.”

“All your adult life you will be a woman.  How you live your adult life as a woman – all alone before God – is the real you.”

Solomon went on to say, “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.”