This is the first in a series on Christian marriage.

We are a holiness people. There are many facets to holiness. In this series of articles we will be addressing holiness in marriage.

So many marriages are in trouble. Divorce rates are high, even among conservative Christians. God said in Malachi 2:16 that He hates divorce. His law makes provision for it, because of sin. But it is never ideal. It is a means out of a very wicked situation. Yet most divorces in this country are not biblical. People leave because they are not happy.

Yet marriages typically start out happy. The ceremony is joyous. The honeymoon phase is exciting. Newlyweds discover how wonderful it is to set up house, to share, to dream, to scrimp and save. But somewhere down the road, maybe 3 or 5 years, there are disappointments, disagreements, arguments, and such.

In the storybooks and the movies the couple lives happily ever after. But at some point, virtually every married couple discovers they really aren’t very happy. Now they face a crisis. They have been taught that marriage is supposed to be a happy state, but they are not happy. What should they do? Is happiness the goal? Are we supposed to be happy in our marriage? Every day? Most days? Some days? What if we are not happy? What if there are more days that we are not happy than days that are happy days in our marriage?

Our entire purpose and reason for living is to bring glory to God. Does anyone doubt the truth of that statement? We were born to serve the Lord. Let us fix that concept in our minds: we exist to glorify God. I Corinthians 6:20 says we are a bought slave; so we should glorify God in our body and spirit. In John 21:18-19, we learn that by our death to self, we glorify God.

So, if our lives are to bring glory to God, what is the ultimate aim of marriage? Is it procreation? Companionship? Sex? Happiness? What if the ultimate purpose for marriage is not happiness, but rather holiness? We speak of holy matrimony. Jesus said that what God has joined together, let not man part asunder. Matthew 19:6. Children of a godly marriage are holy children; Paul said so in I Corinthians 7:14. God instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden. It is something He gave to mankind. Why did He do it? What if God gave us marriage to make us holy, more than to make us happy?

Romantic love, the stuff of cheap novels and Hollywood movies, was unknown to most of history. There were exceptions, especially among God’s people, but romantic love developed late in the history of mankind. Marriages were for reasons other than love. Song of Solomon provides proof of real love between a husband and wife among the people of God, but that was the exception. Ancient Greeks, Babylonians, Egyptians, Hittites, Romans, barbarians, Goths, nor any other people, married for love. Yet modern Americans believe there can be no marriage without love.

I think it is possible to be deeply, passionately in love with your spouse. Just don’t make the mistake of confusing love with romance. Love can be constant; romance is temporary and fleeting. But if the vital ingredient of love is missing, the marriage is not necessarily over. Do not divorce because you aren’t in love. Let’s look deeply into the Word of God to see what our Lord and Master has to say about the holy estate of matrimony.

Marriage among Christians is supposed to reflect the glory of God. While marriage is very real, it is also highly symbolic. Holy matrimony is a very visible symbol of the relationship between God and His people. Before we can really address how to improve our marriages, we need to all understand the great symbolism our marriages are supposed to demonstrate. Whether we are married or single, we need to understand this point. The Apostle Paul was unmarried, but he understood this important symbol perfectly well.

Hosea 2:16 says, “And it shall be at that day, saith the LORD, that thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali.” The center column reference in most Bibles will say that “Ishi” means “my husband;” and that “Baali” means “my master.” Speaking to Israel, God said they would call Him their husband instead of their master. Verse 19 explains why: “I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies.”

There is a big difference between “husband” and “master.” The relationship between God and His people is not one based on fear, and force; but one based upon love, intimacy, trust, loyalty, etc. God wants a relationship like that of a husband and wife; and not like that of a master and slave. How do you view God – as master or as husband?

Isaiah 62:5 tells us that God rejoices over His people like a husband over a bride. In Matthew 9:15, Jesus is described as a bridegroom. I know the bride of Christ is a limited company of 144,000 overcomers, but in some respects, the entire body of Christ is like a bride. This is seen in Revelation 12:1, where the church is a woman, a married woman who is pregnant. In Isaiah 54:1, the church is the married wife.

At one time, God was the spiritual husband of Israel. But in Jeremiah 3:8, we see that God divorced Israel because of her spiritual adultery. When speaking to backslidden Israel in Mark 8:38, Jesus deliberately used “adulterous” to describe them – not because of sexual adultery; but spiritual adultery. The Lord expected a relationship of fidelity and trust between Himself and Israel. But the natural Jews played the harlot spiritually, and He divorced her. He is now married to the church, at least in a symbolic sense.

Why is this important? Because our marriage as members of the church is supposed to demonstrate the relationship between Christ and the church. This is why Paul said after writing about marriage in Ephesians 5:32: “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” Paul’s writing in Ephesians 5:22-33 demonstrates this relationship between marriage, and Christ and His church.

This is not just an interesting analogy. If you really want to understand how your marriage, or any marriage, is to bring glory to God, you must comprehend this point. God did not create marriage just to give us a pleasant way to populate the earth. Marriage is to point to the loving, caring and close relationship that God wants to have with His own chosen people.

So, does every marriage in this church showcase the loving relationship between Jesus Christ and His own ransomed church? Sadly, no. But our marriages, in the body of Christ, should.

In this and the next few issues of this Newsletter, we will explore marriage, not as just a license for sexual relations, not as just a means to produce offspring, and not as just a vehicle for romance; but as it teaches the world about the love of God. We can either explore God through marriage, or we can emphasize where our spouses are falling short. I’d rather focus on the important principle God wants to be seen in Christian marriage. Let’s not miss the important lessons about our God and His love that we can learn through the divine institution of marriage.

According to II Corinthians 5:9, our goal in everything is to please Him. This concept is unique to true Christians. If you asked 100 random people on the street what their goal in life is, you’d get an amazing array of answers. But for a child of God, the only clear answer is an overwhelming, passionate, driving desire to please God. It wasn’t just Paul’s consuming ambition; he said “we.” It is to be all of our ambitions to please God.

Since this overriding principle applies in every aspect of our lives, then the number one purpose or goal of our marriage is to please God. That is more important than our own happiness, or fulfillment, or sexual pleasure, or raising a family. Some people make their children the central focus of their life; but it isn’t. Pleasing God is. Some make their career or profession the central theme of their life; but it isn’t. Pleasing God is.

The Bible teaches that we don’t live for ourselves; we live for God. “And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.” II Corinthians 5:15. Verses 18-20 state that the ultimate purpose of Christ, and us, is reconciliation between God and man.

That is an amazing concept. Jesus Christ died to reconcile us to God. But He has given to us the ministry of reconciliation. What does that mean, and how does that relate to our marriage? The message of reconciliation is the good news of peace and goodwill. We can’t portray that message in our lives if our marriages are a mess. A godly marriage displays the love and reconciliation that is available through the Gospel.

Mankind has the wrong concept of marriage. They feel they should stay together as long as they are happy, and their comforts, desires and expectations are met. If those things are absent, they feel they can separate and divorce, so they can seek those things outside of their marriage. True Christians stay in a marriage because it brings glory to God and points the world toward a reconciling Savior.

Our marriage cannot contradict our message. We are living epistles. We are witnesses of the reconciling power of God. Staying in a marriage through good times and bad times helps to burnish our witness. If my marriage fails, then I have failed to bring glory to God, and to enhance my testimony to the world. A godly marriage is a dramatic display of the reconciling power of God. If Jesus Christ can bring together sinners and a sinless God, surely Christian marriage can bring together two people of different makeup and backgrounds.

What is our message if we tell the world by divorce and separation that we have decided to stop loving someone? We stopped loving them because, by our standard, they are bad, and not measuring up to our expectations. Would Jesus do that to His church? What is the message when we refuse to serve another person as our spouse? What is our message if we break the solemn vows we made before God at a wedding altar? How can we tell others that God’s promises are secure, when our own promises to love and cherish till death are no good? How can we be the heralds of a coming age of peace, love and tranquility when our personal lives reflect enmity, anger, strife, and separation?

The Word says in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. See verses 14-15. There are true biblical grounds for divorce in limited cases, but we are not dealing with those exceptions to the rule here. We are just presenting the general rule now. There will be another time to present true biblical grounds that apply in rare cases and justify one party seeking to divorce the other – but remember, that is because of sin. Divorce means that one party, and maybe both, have chosen not to live up to the Gospel, and have succumbed to sin. Nothing in a divorce brings glory to God.

Spouses keep their marriage intact for many reasons. One good reason is because staying together will make them happy. That is true in the overwhelming majority of cases. Couples who stick it out for the long haul typically end up happy that they did so after the passing of the years. Statistics show that more than three-fourths of the couples who were very unhappy moved to happy after five years of sticking together. So that is a good reason to stay in a marriage. But it isn’t the best or the most important reason.

Divorce is particularly hard on the children. Children of a stable, two-parent home are far better off than those shuttled back and forth in a custody arrangement, or who are with a single parent, or who are thrust into a situation involving step-parents. So keeping a marriage intact in order to provide a good stable environment for the children is a good reason. But it isn’t the best or the most important reason.

Some spouses keep their marriage intact because they don’t want to force their spouse to have to start over. Women, especially, take an economic hit in divorce. That is a good reason. But it isn’t the best or the most important reason. You can probably think of other reasons.

By far the best, and clearly the most important reason to stay in a marriage is because that is your Christian duty. If you live to glorify God, if your life is a testimony to the grace of God, if you see every aspect of your life as a means to proclaim the message, then you cannot divorce your spouse. Marriages based on this sacred principle are stronger than those based on happiness. Happiness will come, but it isn’t there all the time. If the success of your marriage is based on whether you are happy or not, then there will be many times when you are tempted to destroy that marriage. But if it is based on commitment, and living in a way that brings glory to God, then your marriage is strong enough to withstand almost any storm.

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